The Lileks Zone

ACORN: the unreleased transcript

You’ve seen the tapes: two undercover agents of the Fox-Beck-Klan-Bilderberg Axis try to bring down ACORN by forcing them against their will to feign indifference to kiddie-hooker rings. As soon as the scandal hit the web, ACORN officials insist that the pair tried to scam various offices, and were turned away. The Hughniverse has learned that this was indeed the case, and we have the transcripts.

This exchange took place in an unidentified office, and demonstrates that not everyone in the ACORN organization bought the obvious scam. In this transcript, a male and female are meeting with an ACORN rep.

Male: Hi.

ACORN staffer: Tovarisch!

Male: Uh, we heard you could help us, and, so, we’re like, here.

ACORN staffer: We’ll see what we can do. We’re all about the art of the possible. I got a guy into a house today for a fifty-six dollars and twenty nine cents.

Female: Wow, it was that cheap?

ACORN staffer: Cost of a new lock on the door and a pane of glass. The owner lives in Mexico. Anyway, what can I do for you?

Male: Well, we’re going to be bringing into the country about a dozen underage girls from El Salvador.

ACORN staffer: Uh huh. Is this one of them?

Male: No, this is my wife.

ACORN staffer: You’re married? Well, to each his own. Go on.

Male: Uh, we’re interested in, you know, setting them up. We have a business, I guess you’d call it. Although you could call it a charity. Whatever works.

Female: They’re all orphans. We bring them to America and get them set up for adoption.

ACORN staffer: Uh huh. And by adoption you mean –

Female: Families take them into their homes, make them legal children and all, and care for them. We need a halfway house to give them a place to stay until they’re adopted.

ACORN staffer: How’d you get these children? Orphans you say?

Female: Their parents died.

ACORN staffer: Uh huh. Anyone do time for that?

Male: I don’t understand. There was a flood in their village.

ACORN staffer: Oh, so they’re from Katrina. I got it now. El Salvator or whatever, that outside of Brownsville? I had a client, she was there for three years waiting on a trailer. We got her one but it had the mold, all in the walls and (bleep). So you definitely don’t want the trailer.

Male: No, they’re from El Salvador. The country.

ACORN staffer: Doesn’t matter. You say you’re looking to get into a house?

Female: Yes. But we’re wondering if there will be any tax problems.

ACORN staffer: Honey, there’s always tax problems. Nothing a tin can in the backyard can’t solve, though. What’s the nature of your problem?

Male: Well, you should know we’re doing this through our church, so there’s the whole question of tax exempt status.

ACORN staffer: Uh huh. What’s the church?

Female: The Holy Roman Catholic Church.

ACORN staffer: The real one, or the mail-order one?

Male: I don’t understand.

ACORN staffer: There’s a guy in New Jersey who – oh, it doesn’t matter. (pause) You say the real church there and all?

Male: Yes.

ACORN staffer: So you’re actually bringing them here for adoption?

Female: Yes, if God wills it.

ACORN staffer: I’m going to have to speak to my supervisor.

(Five minute delay; raised voices heard outside room)

(Supervisor enters)

Supervisor: I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Do you have any idea what would happen if it got out we were using public money for a church project? And the Catholic church, my God. Sorry. Good day.

(Leaves room)

(Loud argument outside room.

(Supervisor: They were running a scam, you idiot! I can’t believe you believed that guy! Did he look Catholic?

(ACORN rep: He had the tall pointy hat and white robe and all, how am I supposed to know different?)

(END TRANSCRIPT)

Is this the only such example? Stay tuned.

Login to Listen

Episodes of The Hugh Hewitt Show Podcast are available to Hughniverse members only.

Get Your First Month for 99 Cents!

Commercial Free Audio

Commercial Free Audio

Access to a commercial free archive of The Hugh Hewitt Radio Show Podcast.

Listen On-Demand

Listen On-Demand

Listen to the show anytime you want.
24 hours a day / 7 days a week. Whenever and Wherever.

Archive Calendar

September 2009
S M T W T F S
« Aug   Oct »
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930